Do you have an exit strategy for your inner critic?

I don’t have to meet your inner critic…I have my own. I’d offer to share him with you, but something tells me you aren't going to take me up on my offer. Just as well, because I've put mine on notice.

It was a tough conversation actually.When I told him that his position was being eliminated, he was silent…which is not at all like him. He’s usually not at a loss for words…in fact, quite the opposite...he hardly ever stops talking and has no problem talking over me. But he was unusually quiet. I reminded him that we had talked about this numerous times and that this shouldn't have come as a surprise to him. You see, I had talked about change before, but had always allowed him to talk me out of it. But, not this time....I was adamant and held my ground. I told him that although it was effective immediately, he would be given a generous severance package and I would give him a good reference.

When he finally spoke this is what he said, “I have been a dedicated partner with you for 50+ years. As your inner critic, I have been on call 24/7. Whenever you got an idea that would take you out of your comfort zone, I had to come up with all the reasons why it wouldn't work. Every time you started to get confident, I had to tell you all the mistakes you had made....that actually wasn't very hard…I usually had to just name a couple and that would stop those feelings of success and confidence. When you achieved a goal of yours, I had to point out all the things you could have done better. When you reached for something new, I had to be the one to tell you to stick with what you know."

"But lately," he said. "I've noticed it's geting harder to stop you from doing new things. You're not listening to me like you used to. You've even hung up on me mid-sentence and quit retweeting my tweets. There have been days when you’ve only been in my office a couple of times…where in the
past, you practically lived in it. With that said, I think it is premature on your part to eliminate the position immediately. It is not realistic to think that you will be able to rely on your own knowledge, experience and resources. What if you start feeling a whole new level of competence and confidence? What if your dreams start to actually become reality? Who will be there to stop you? Who will be there to keep you from facing yourself? That’s why you’ve been so dependent on me in my position. You’ve been so afraid to see yourself as you really are…bottom line…you’re afraid that deep inside you are not capable, not competent…you’re doomed to failure.”

And that’s when I came up with an exit strategy for him. I decided to keep him on in a part time capacity for the next several months. At the end of that time period, I would retain his services as needed on a consulting basis.

Change is gradual. Eliminating your inner critic is a process that begins with self-awareness....Awareness to see when you've enlisted his services, awareness to see how much you've listened to him, depended on him, believed him. Awareness of who you really are after all the noise shuts down….and when it’s silent…you’ll hear the voice that really matters…your own. Not to be confused with your inner critic.

Once you've come to see that you are not a failure, that mistakes and missed goals are just that...mistakes and missed goals...that you are competent and capable of achieving your dreams...then your inner critic's position has been permanently eliminated.

Do you have an exit strategy for your inner critic?

Note: No gender bias intended by references to my inner critic as male.(: